The Black Lace Book of Women's Sexual Fantasies by Kerri Sharp

Author:Kerri Sharp
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780753525876
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

6 Bondage, Punishment and all the Trimmings

Thou hast not half the power to do me harm As I have to be hurt.

William Shakespeare, Othello (1602–4)

MUCH OF THE analysis pertinent to this section is covered in the introduction to the section on submissive sexuality. What is different about the fantasies in this category is the elaborate dressing and the paraphernalia of punishment. All the whips, straps, racks, belts and handcuffs that lend a theatricality to the scenario. Similar to the medical fantasies, the details are important, lending a sophistication to the proceedings. The first fantasy has its subject held in fur-lined leather wrist and ankle restraints while she admires the fresco on the ceiling, before listening to Chopin’s Nocturne in the half-light of a Gothic chamber. Later in the section, the spanking fantasies are less complex in their set dressing, but the anticipation of waiting for the punishment is as torturous and exquisite as that in the most elaborate of scenarios.

Again, this is a tricky one for feminist sexual politics. Gaining pleasure from a position of apparent inequality could be seen as perverse. Avis Lewallen describes us as being caught up within patriarchal systems yet actively desiring within them. Yet the sexual potency of gendered and traditional archetypes seems to ‘work’ satis factorily for the huge number of consenting adults who partake in spanking games. And surely, by playing the role of the ‘naughty girl’ or the ‘stern patriarch’ (remembering that either gender can adopt either role), sexual role-play has the potential to be subversive, and not enforcing traditional notions of patriarchy at all. Who is the one in denial when a pro-censorship fundamentalist tells a happily out and proud daddy dyke that her sexuality is invalid? Educated grown-ups can decide for themselves which games they like to play in the privacy of their own homes. No one wants the wagging finger of the censor in the bedroom. It could be said that having fun with stereotypes is an insult in a world where inequality is rife. By this token it is also unfair to take public holidays, eat healthily and have access to sanitation and modern medicine. The sexual arena is not where these inequalities should be tackled. Imbalances of power occur where there are imbalances of wealth, and this book is about the politics of pleasure, not economics.

Most sadomasochistic relationships are consensual and based on trust; all couples into SM have a safe word that remains sacred. When the word is uttered, the play stops. I want to make one thing clear: having consensual sex where one person plays the dominant party has nothing to do with domestic violence, which is a crime. SM-ers are responsible people, and there are many UK and US organisations that provide support and safety guidelines to people interested in experimenting with this side of their sexuality. It would be foolish to leap straight into SM sex without knowing the person and talking over beforehand what you are both into. Any responsible person in

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